Friday, February 26, 2010

The top ten most bizarre pieces of 'Twilight' merchandising

'Twilight Saga: New Moon' is here, but 'Twilight' is not just a book or a movie anymore. It's also a multimillion dollar industry that has plaster Edward and Bella on all manner of cheaply made products. Let's take a look at some of the more offbeat products that have gotten the 'Twilight' treatment!

10. Twilight Scene It for the Wii

Sure, a video game tie-in with a movie is nothing new, but generally it's only action or sci-fi movies that get this sort of treatment. Twilight decided to go another route, instead of taking control of Bella and navigating the cliques of High School and a dangerous romance with an immortal bloodsucker, you just answer questions based on the movie and book.
I think my idea is better.

9. Twilight Love at First Bite Cook Book

I'm not too familiar with Twilight, but I assume there are no long passages detailing the vampires cooking, so this one seems like over-kill. So what's inside? Recipes for Bella's Lasagna, Harry's Famous Fish Fry, Red Velvet Cake, Blushing Bella Punch and all served in a brooding and beautiful package...

8. The Twilight Bra

I understand that Twilight is one of the few movie franchises that appeals to women, but this seems to go too far. I don't remember any adult underpants on store shelves with Boba Fett on them when Empire Strikes Back came to theaters, but maybe I would have bought them (I did have a Star Wars onesie though). Still, a Twilight bra is an odd bit of merchandising, but there is a second part to that...stay tuned.

7. Twilight Bandages

Every time one of the Star Wars prequels hit theaters you could be assured that an endless collection of branded crap with Jar-Jar's face all over it would be hitting shelves all over the country. I am pretty sure I saw Star Wars bandages, but I never thought another movie franchise would go to that level of merchandising...until now.

6. Twilight Dolls

Alright, we all expected dolls, but this is just silly. For the girl who just can't get enough Edward in her life, comes this doll that has the iconic quaff of hair, but gets downright creepy when you take the shirt off. Really people, do we need sixpack abs on dolls now?

5. Twilight New Moon Volturi - Tainted Love - Immortal Liquid Body Shimmer

I guess make-up products based on the series was inevitable, but 'body shimmer' is a little weird. Honestly, there seems to be some over-sexualizing in these products, and this one (there are four other colors too) is just a little creepy.

4. Twilight Condoms

I think this one is pretty self-explanatory, and goes to that over-sexualizing I was talking about. It's a movie targeted at teenage girls, so I guess it's a good thing that they're encouraging safe sex, but no one even has (spoiler alert) sex in any of these movies.

3. Edward Cullen Shower Curtain

A shower curtain with this dude staring at you might do it for the ladies, but it would simply creep me out. Even if they were to put one of the many cute girls from the Twilight series on a shower curtain for the fellas out there, it still seems like something that would scare me more often than excite me.

2. Life-sized Edward Cullen Twilight Silhouette

Um...weird, very weird. I am almost positive that I would end up trying to kill this thing with a lead pipe one night thinking it was someone trying to break into my apartment. I guess I'm not the target audience though...

1. Edward Cullen Panties

Words don't even begin to describe how completely strange this product is. Sure, these panties were custom made, but it looks like they might be headed into full production soon.
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